[ { "title": "59. Death and Dr. Hornbook", "author": "Robert Burns", "lines": [ "SOME books are lies frae end to end,", "And some great lies were never penn’d:", "Ev’n ministers they hae been kenn’d,", " In holy rapture,", "A rousing whid at times to vend,", " And nail’t wi’ Scripture.", "", "", "But this that I am gaun to tell,", "Which lately on a night befell,", "Is just as true’s the Deil’s in hell", " Or Dublin city:", "That e’er he nearer comes oursel’", " ’S a muckle pity.", "", "", "The clachan yill had made me canty,", "I was na fou, but just had plenty;", "I stacher’d whiles, but yet too tent aye", " To free the ditches;", "An’ hillocks, stanes, an’ bushes, kenn’d eye", " Frae ghaists an’ witches.", "", "", "The rising moon began to glowre", "The distant Cumnock hills out-owre:", "To count her horns, wi’ a my pow’r,", " I set mysel’;", "But whether she had three or four,", " I cou’d na tell.", "", "", "I was come round about the hill,", "An’ todlin down on Willie’s mill,", "Setting my staff wi’ a’ my skill,", " To keep me sicker;", "Tho’ leeward whiles, against my will,", " I took a bicker.", "", "", "I there wi’ Something did forgather,", "That pat me in an eerie swither;", "An’ awfu’ scythe, out-owre ae shouther,", " Clear-dangling, hang;", "A three-tae’d leister on the ither", " Lay, large an’ lang.", "", "", "Its stature seem’d lang Scotch ells twa,", "The queerest shape that e’er I saw,", "For fient a wame it had ava;", " And then its shanks,", "They were as thin, as sharp an’ sma’", " As cheeks o’ branks.", "", "", "“Guid-een,” quo’ I; “Friend! hae ye been mawin,", "When ither folk are busy sawin!” 1", "I seem’d to make a kind o’ stan’", " But naething spak;", "At length, says I, “Friend! whare ye gaun?", " Will ye go back?”", "", "", "It spak right howe,—“My name is Death,", "But be na fley’d.”—Quoth I, “Guid faith,", "Ye’re maybe come to stap my breath;", " But tent me, billie;", "I red ye weel, tak care o’ skaith", " See, there’s a gully!”", "", "", "“Gudeman,” quo’ he, “put up your whittle,", "I’m no designed to try its mettle;", "But if I did, I wad be kittle", " To be mislear’d;", "I wad na mind it, no that spittle", " Out-owre my beard.”", "", "", "“Weel, weel!” says I, “a bargain be’t;", "Come, gie’s your hand, an’ sae we’re gree’t;", "We’ll ease our shanks an tak a seat—", " Come, gie’s your news;", "This while ye hae been mony a gate,", " At mony a house.” 2", "", "", "“Ay, ay!” quo’ he, an’ shook his head,", "“It’s e’en a lang, lang time indeed", "Sin’ I began to nick the thread,", " An’ choke the breath:", "Folk maun do something for their bread,", " An’ sae maun Death.", "", "", "“Sax thousand years are near-hand fled", "Sin’ I was to the butching bred,", "An’ mony a scheme in vain’s been laid,", " To stap or scar me;", "Till ane Hornbook’s 3 ta’en up the trade,", " And faith! he’ll waur me.", "", "", "“Ye ken Hornbook i’ the clachan,", "Deil mak his king’s-hood in spleuchan!", "He’s grown sae weel acquaint wi’ Buchan 4", " And ither chaps,", "The weans haud out their fingers laughin,", " An’ pouk my hips.", "", "", "“See, here’s a scythe, an’ there’s dart,", "They hae pierc’d mony a gallant heart;", "But Doctor Hornbook, wi’ his art", " An’ cursed skill,", "Has made them baith no worth a f—t,", " D—n’d haet they’ll kill!", "", "", "“’Twas but yestreen, nae farther gane,", "I threw a noble throw at ane;", "Wi’ less, I’m sure, I’ve hundreds slain;", "But deil-ma-care,", "It just play’d dirl on the bane,", "But did nae mair.", "", "", "“Hornbook was by, wi’ ready art,", "An’ had sae fortify’d the part,", "That when I looked to my dart,", " It was sae blunt,", "Fient haet o’t wad hae pierc’d the heart", " Of a kail-runt.", "", "", "“I drew my scythe in sic a fury,", "I near-hand cowpit wi’ my hurry,", "But yet the bauld Apothecary", " Withstood the shock;", "I might as weel hae tried a quarry", " O’ hard whin rock.", "", "", "“Ev’n them he canna get attended,", "Altho’ their face he ne’er had kend it,", "Just —— in a kail-blade, an’ sent it,", " As soon’s he smells ’t,", "Baith their disease, and what will mend it,", " At once he tells ’t.", "", "", "“And then, a’ doctor’s saws an’ whittles,", "Of a’ dimensions, shapes, an’ mettles,", "A’ kind o’ boxes, mugs, an’ bottles,", " He’s sure to hae;", "Their Latin names as fast he rattles", " As A B C.", "", "", "“Calces o’ fossils, earths, and trees;", "True sal-marinum o’ the seas;", "The farina of beans an’ pease,", " He has’t in plenty;", "Aqua-fontis, what you please,", " He can content ye.", "", "", "“Forbye some new, uncommon weapons,", "Urinus spiritus of capons;", "Or mite-horn shavings, filings, scrapings,", " Distill’d per se;", "Sal-alkali o’ midge-tail clippings,", " And mony mae.”", "", "", "“Waes me for Johnie Ged’s-Hole 5 now,”", "Quoth I, “if that thae news be true!", "His braw calf-ward whare gowans grew,", " Sae white and bonie,", "Nae doubt they’ll rive it wi’ the plew;", " They’ll ruin Johnie!”", "", "", "The creature grain’d an eldritch laugh,", "And says “Ye needna yoke the pleugh,", "Kirkyards will soon be till’d eneugh,", " Tak ye nae fear:", "They’ll be trench’d wi’ mony a sheugh,", " In twa-three year.", "", "", "“Whare I kill’d ane, a fair strae-death,", "By loss o’ blood or want of breath", "This night I’m free to tak my aith,", " That Hornbook’s skill", "Has clad a score i’ their last claith,", " By drap an’ pill.", "", "", "“An honest wabster to his trade,", "Whase wife’s twa nieves were scarce weel-bred", "Gat tippence-worth to mend her head,", " When it was sair;", "The wife slade cannie to her bed,", " But ne’er spak mair.", "", "", "“A country laird had ta’en the batts,", "Or some curmurring in his guts,", "His only son for Hornbook sets,", " An’ pays him well:", "The lad, for twa guid gimmer-pets,", " Was laird himsel’.", "", "", "“A bonie lass—ye kend her name—", "Some ill-brewn drink had hov’d her wame;", "She trusts hersel’, to hide the shame,", " In Hornbook’s care;", "Horn sent her aff to her lang hame,", " To hide it there.", "", "", "“That’s just a swatch o’ Hornbook’s way;", "Thus goes he on from day to day,", "Thus does he poison, kill, an’ slay,", " An’s weel paid for’t;", "Yet stops me o’ my lawfu’ prey,", " Wi’ his d—n’d dirt:", "", "", "“But, hark! I’ll tell you of a plot,", "Tho’ dinna ye be speakin o’t;", "I’ll nail the self-conceited sot,", " As dead’s a herrin;", "Neist time we meet, I’ll wad a groat,", " He gets his fairin!”", "", "", "But just as he began to tell,", "The auld kirk-hammer strak the bell", "Some wee short hour ayont the twal’,", " Which rais’d us baith:", "I took the way that pleas’d mysel’,", " And sae did Death.", "", "", " Note 1. This recontre happened in seed-time, 1785.—R. B. [back]", "Note 2. An epidemical fever was then raging in that country.—R. B. [back]", "Note 3. This gentleman, Dr. Hornbook, is professionally a brother of the sovereign Order of the Ferula; but, by intuition and inspiration, is at once an apothecary, surgeon, and physician.—R. B. [back]", "Note 4. Burchan’s Domestic Medicine.—R. B. [back]", "Note 5. The grave-digger.—R. B. [back]" ], "linecount": "191" } ]